20 October 2009

Present Tense

My whole life I've been someone who focused on long-range goals. When I was a little girl I remember asking my mom when I could wear makeup, get my ears pierced, and date. I never argued for a different answer, I just wanted to be able to factor that into my internal timeline. I've always been pretty clear on what I wanted to accomplish in life. And to be honest, in almost every area, I've been blessed to get wherever I wanted to go, through the grace of God, my family, and a lot of hard work. This has felt particularly true recently:

  • I finally own my own place. Check.
  • I've achieved a position at work that I could easily stay in for the next 15 or more years, or until I retire. (Staffing for the state legislature is a very flat organization.) Check.
  • I have family, friends and a city I love. I have no plans to move anywhere else. Check.

That's not to say that I don't wish for other things. I would love to be married to a best friend and I would love to have a child. These things may never happen, and I've made my peace with that, truly. I wish I was healthier and in better shape. That will always be a work in progress for me. And there are hobbies that I'd like to try, places I want to travel to. But...

Awhile ago my mother casually asked me, "What are you going to do with the rest of your life?" And while I've kidded her about asking me such a loaded question, the truth is that for maybe the first time in my life, I realize I don't have any huge goals lined up for the next 5 or 10 years. That certainly feels oddly foreign to me, the girl who has always had a future vision of her life. But the truth is, I find that I am content with simply trying to enjoy the here and now and allowing life's surprises to find me, rather than going out and striving for that next goal. I'm going to try to simply live in the present and leave the future for another day.

2 comments:

Elizabeth said...

This post of yours touched me. I'm surveying and summing up at this moment too - left the city for the country, found a new profession, getting used to my age - interesting times!

Princess Haiku said...

What a wonderful name for a blog. Good luck with your writing.